The two edged girl

I was moving in a new neighborhood last year and  tried to accomodate to the new house and surroundings. I walked outside with my dog.

I passed across this park full of trees and ways. It was a bit dark as it was nearly evening. Then suddenly a shadow cross my road and I couldn't tell if it was a shadow or a human. It swiflty move like in a slow running I retained my dog to bark. Then I realize it was a person.

Now I am not sure of what I saw but I felt surprised and overwhelmed by that swiflty move. Maybe I wasn't in the real world. Was I ?

I realize all the way that the life I have seen or this shadow must have got an origin. Who was that ? Who or was it a ghost?  My mind reminders went blurry since then. Do I have to stay in the blurry side?

I decided to chase this person I saw and I became aware that it would be hard. I got no indications no real ways to inquire. That made me feel weird. Why should I do that?

I felt a urge to follow that way without knowing why. I never told that to my friends and so that made me realize that the chase would be hard and long. I wanted to get answers to this simple question who are you moving shadow.

It took me several months before figuring out to get the beginning of an answers. That day came when a friend of mine talked to me through a social media chat. She said I know what you are chasing. It has a name in real. You make depersonnalisation it is a part of depression. I suffer from it times to times myself.

I realize it was me and only me with two differents "persons". I read and read about it till I really get aquainted with the idea of that happened to me. It took me months till I could tell the real things in my circle of friends. I also realize that the brain is well made with a clic button when it is too much.
Now, the life is like it is and at times I get back that second me that acco mpagnied me.

I jokingly call myself  the two edged girl. I am not crazy...I went through rough time. I know that fact and that won't make me feel weird or inadequate. I will embrace again the life as it is rough with a bit of smooth things too.

From the two edged girl


Note to the reader
I am not crazy but last winter I suffered of deep depersonnalisation and depression. I know things seems at time incredible but it is real story with a bit of my imagination running here.

A thanks to Grace Chan who told me what it was without you my friend I would  feel crazy you gave me so much strength by explaining me what it was. thanks my friend!!!